The Valley Girl Rider
by wingsgirl1313
Summary: AU.  First attempt at a parody.  Eragon and Saphira go and rescue the last egg from Galbatorix.  It hatches for some random valley girl named Brittany.  EragonxArya
1. It All Begins

**The Valley Girl Rider**

**A/N: This is an AU parody. It is not supposed to be serious. My world is almost like 2007. But in this world dragons are free to walk around Washington DC and not be gawked at. Got it? Galbatorix can be an evil president instead of king. Got it? And the new Rider can be a valley girl if I want her to be. Got it?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon, although dear old Christopher would probably cry if he read this and sue me anyway.**

**A/N: On with the story and the OOCness!**

Eragon: Okay, let me get this straight. You want me and Saphira to break into the White House, steal the last dragon egg, find the person who the dragon is meant to hatch for, train said person, and then attack Galbatorix and win back the United States of America.

Oromis: Yes, that is correct.

Eragon: That's flippin' sweet!

Saphira: You are not taking this seriously, young one.

Arya: Do you need my help Eragon?

Eragon: Nah! This is going to be a piece of cake. Unless Galbatorix bakes me into one.

All: (shiver)

Eragon and Saphira: (Wave goodbye and fly in the general direction of the White House)

Gladr: Well, it was nice knowing them.

Murtagh: Yo! Galbatorix! Was that Eragon and Saphira flying over the White House?

Galbatorix: Shut up you insolent fool!

Murtagh: (muttering) Well then.

Muragh: But, dude man, that really is Eragon!

Galbatorix: Please stop talking. You're ruining my yoga class.

(Sound of glass breaking.)

Murtagh: Hey? Where are they?!?

Eragon: (voice comes from far away) Damn Saphira! Stop being so clumsy!

Galbatorix: I think that was the young Rider Eragon. Murtagh! Why didn't you tell me?!?

Murtagh: Sir, I di—

Galbatorix: Do you dare to contradict me? Feel my wrath! (Summons hundreds of feathers to tickle Murtagh.)

Murtagh: Please! Master have mercy!

Author: (Hops in though her laptop screen) Um, not that this isn't fun, but you might want to go check your last dragon egg. (Winks and disappears)

Murtagh: Well, that was weird.

Galbatorix: You fool! Go check the ulta-secret cabinet of doom in which I keep the egg!

Murtagh: Um…seeing as it's ultra-secret, I have no idea where it is.

Galbatorix: I'll do it myself. (Summons feathers again and leaves Murtagh writing on the floor)

Oromis: Where is that kid?

Arya: (Begins to cry)

Eragon and Saphira: (Appear from nowhere)

Eragon: Hey guys! Do you like this nifty little trick the author taught us?

Arya: (Kisses Eragon)

Eragon and Arya: (Keep kissing)

Gladr: This could take a while.

Oromis: Saphira, did you and Eragon get the egg?

Saphira: Yes, we did. Eragon has it, which means we won't get it back for a while.

Oromis: Okay then. Who wants food?

Eragon: (Stops kissing Arya and looks up eagerly) Did someone say food? I am so there!

Arya: (Hits Eragon)

Eragon: Ouch! What was that for?!?

Arya: (Under breath) Men.

Saphira: Thank you for taking us to dinner, Oromis.

Gladr: At least one of you remembered your manners. (Shoots a disdainful glance at Eragon who is kissing Arya…again.)

Author: (Does "nifty" trick and pops in from nowhere.) Hey! You two! Break it up! We have other stuff to get done here! (Eragon and Arya keep kissing) I could kill all of you with a few keystrokes!

All: (Look shocked. Eragon and Arya even stop making out.)

Author: (Smiles) That's more like it. (Disappears)

Waitress: Like, OMG, what's up?!? Can I, like, totally take your order?!?

Arya: Yes, I would like the Caesar Salad. Um…Eragon, why is your pocket chirping?

Eragon: (Pulls egg out of pocket and sets it on the table. Egg wobbles over towards waitress.)

Waitress: OMGZZZZZ!!!! I GET TO BE A RIDER!!! OMG!!!!

All: (Wince and cover ears)

Gladr: This is going to be fun.

Waitress: Oh, BTW, my name is, like, Brittany!

Gladr: Even better.

**A/N: What did you think? That was my first attempt at a parody, so don't be too harsh.**


	2. The Training Camp

**The Valley Girl Rider**

**A/N: I am so pathetic. Updating without a single review. Ah well. On with the story. And if I spelled a character's name wrong (I have a horrible feeling that I did) let's just say that in my alternate universe, that is how said character's name is spelled. Got it?**

Brittany: So this is how you do it…? (Blows up tree)

Oromis: Ummm….

Gladr: Yes, that's exactly it.

Brittany: Like, awesome!

Saphira and Dragon: (Land)

Saphira: I am never flying with that freak again!

Brittany: Like, OMG, do you mean Dragon, because, he, like, so doesn't like you to call him a freak!

Dragon: Why couldn't I have picked a more creative Rider?

Eragon and Arya: (Emerge from woods. Eragon has lipstick all over his face.)

Arya: Hi! What's Saphira got to say about Dragon now?

Oromis: Saphira says that Dragon is a freak and that she's never flying with him again.

Saphira: HE HIT ON ME!

Eragon: Um……

Brittany: EWWW! Can you keep those thoughts to yourself!

Gladr: (Opens mouth, then closes it) I don't want to know.

Arya: (Points at sky) What's that?

Brittany: Like, OMG! It's, like, two other dragons! And they, like, both have Riders. That's, like, so totally awesome!

Gladr: Brittany, what did we tell you about Galbatorix and Murtagh?

Brittany: That they're total scumbags and are not to be trusted. (Pauses for a moment.) But Murtagh is hott! What total scumbag is hott?

Eragon: Uh, I resent that. Do you not get enough hot guys at this camp or something?

Arya: (Kisses Eragon)

Arya: You're hott enough for me.

Eragon and Arya: (Run back into woods.)

Oromis: At least they had the decency to go away this time.

MGSTEAGOB (My ruler thingy is not working if you'll notice from the last chapter)

Thorn: Can't we land? My wings hurt!

Murtagh and Galbatorix: NO!

Thorn: How about now?

Galbatorix: Oh, look. There they are. Now remember the plan.

Murtagh: What plan?

Shruiken: Oh boy.

EAOSDGMGST

Brittany: (Running in circles) They're landing! AAHHH! I'm about to meet a hott guy and my hair is a mess!

Eragon: (Emerging from woods.) I resent that, too.

Murtagh and Galbatorix: (Land)

Brittany: Hi.

Murtagh: Hi.

Brittany and Murtagh: (Stare into each others eyes.)

Murtagh: (Notices lack of intelligence in Brittany's gaze.)

Murtagh: What's the capital of Idaho?

Brittany: What kind of stupid random question is that? Want to have babies?

Murtagh: (Backs away slowly)

Brittany: (Chases Murtagh off the training field)

Gladr: That was weird.

Galbatorix: I hear that.

Murtagh: (From far away) NOOOO! SAVE MEEEEEE!

All: Ummm….

Eragon: I'll go. He is my brother after all.

All: (Watch where Eragon left)

Eragon: (Returns supporting a shirtless Murtagh) I barely got there in time. I had to tie that psycho up.

Dragon: Where is my Rider? Where is Brittany?!?

Eragon: (Wordlessly points in the general direction.)

Oromis: So…who wants cookies?

Author: (Pops in from nowhere.) Okay. What the hell is going on here?!? You do not offer him COOKIES! He is your sworn enemy! No pull out your swords and fight!

Gladr: It's 2007.

Author: Even better! Get out the guns! Now if I ever hear of you offering cookies to each other again, I will be back here! (Disappears)

Oromis: To be honest, I'm frightened by the prospect that she controls what's happening here.

Galbatorix: Best do what she says. (Pulls out a gun)

Brittany: I think I got it this time! (Blows Galbatorix up)

Brittany: YAY! I DID IT!

Gladr: What are we going to do about him? (Nods in direction of Murtagh who is in a beetle position muttering gibberish. Eragon and Arya are taking care of him.)

Brittany: He can stay here!

Murtagh: (Sits up straight) No! No more obsessive fangirls!

Arya: I got it! How about we get rid of her! (Points at Brittany)

Brittany: Um, guys, you don't want to do this, do you?

All except Brittany and Dragon: (Advance with maniacal smiles)

Dragon: Brittany! Quickly! Onto my back!

Brittany and Dragon: (Fly away!)

Author: And they all lived happily ever after!

**A/N: Yay! My first two-shot! Hope all my non-reviewers liked it! **


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